If I Made a Hardy Boys Movie

Where the Wild Things Are comes out in theaters today! To celebrate, I’ve picked another favorite book (actually a series) from my childhood that I’d like to see turned into a movie, and made casting choices like a bigshot Hollywood producer.

Lord of the Rings, my favorite book growing up, has already been handled nearly as well as it could be, so I chose The Hardy Boys series. I’d like to see it turned into a comedy/mystery with the kids from the books now in their late 20s/early 30s.

Why The Hardy Boys? Well, I loved reading the books when I was young. I read all 58 of the original series by the third grade. And I still have all 58 hardbacks on my bookshelf, along with The Hardy Boys Detective Handbook. Don’t act like you’re not impressed. And while there have been a few different Hardy Boys TV shows, there’s never been a movie.

If I were making the movie, here’s who I would cast in the major roles:

Frank Hardy: Jake Gyllenhaal
I think he’d play the straight man to his brother well, and he’s believable as the smarter brother who tends to have the whole case worked out before anyone else. Also, he’s Donnie Darko.

Joe Hardy: Seann William Scott
Perfect as the blonde, more athletic, more impetuous younger brother, and he’s got the comedy chops (particularly in Role Models, which was surprisingly hilarious).

Fenton Hardy: Tom Selleck
That’s right — Magnum, P.I. Who better to play the boys’ father, an ex-cop turned private investigator?

Laura Hardy: Kristin Chenoweth
The boys’ mother is always described as pretty and petite. Check and double check. Plus, Kristin Chenoweth is adorable. She’s not really old enough for this role, but that’s what movie magic is for.

Aunt Gertrude: Sally Field
I think Gidget can handle the cantankerous-yet-loving spinster bit.

Chet Morton: Jonah Hill
He’s portly, great for comic relief, and can handle the “good-natured ribbing” the brothers are always throwing his way.

Iona Morton: Rachel McAdams
I envision the girlfriends of the boys having much bigger roles in the movie than in the books. Why Rachel McAdams for Joe’s girlfriend? Because I love her.

Callie Shaw: Scarlett Johansson
Frank’s girlfriend would be played by Scarlett Johansson because I said so.

Main Villain: Gary Oldman
He’s a fantastic actor and plays a mean villain. I’d also throw in Alan Rickman, since he’s also a great villain.

Other actors who would be cast in this movie: Steve Buscemi, Billy Dee Williams, Kristen Bell, Paul Rudd, Sarah Silverman, Danny McBride, Pam Grier, Micheal Cera, Natalie Portman, Dulé Hill, Charlyne Yi

Note: I found out just as I was finishing this post that there is a Hardy Boys update, The Hardy Men, currently being written as a Ben Stiller/Tom Cruise vehicle about the Hardy boys as washed-up, middle-aged men. I’m interested to see if this gets made and what it’s like.